Have you ever looked up one day and realized your entire life revolves around your kids? In a fog of sleeplessness you realize you’re spending all day wiping something or someone . . . and you’ve forgotten even what you used to dream about. You realize you don’t even know what makes you feel alive anymore. And that can be more than a little depressing. When our children are young, our lives necessarily revolve around them. They can’t do anything for themselves and they require much from us. The little years are a season of denying ourselves and I think it is also a time the Lord uses to refine us and prepare us for more. It is a time and season, which also means that it will change and we must emerge from it.
If this thought has stalked you, chances are the fog of sleeplessness is slowly fading away and you’re emerging from the little years. While your children will still {and rightfully so} hold a major share of your time, the world is opening up a little bit again and perhaps the Lord is stirring your heart.
You know friend, the Lord created us with our own personality, giftings, aspirations, and dreams. He placed a calling in all of us that makes us come alive–that breathes life into our souls–and He didn’t take away these things the moment we became a mother. They may go into hibernation for a season, but there is a time to rediscover and pursue those things.
What makes you come alive? What gifts did the Lord equip you with?
I was working through some training material yesterday and it included a personality test. I took it, reviewed the results, and then watched the video segment. I was in for a surprise when I watched the segment!
You know, I think sometimes our callings are obvious to us and we don’t forget those desires during the little years. But other times, they become buried in the years and insecurities. We throw everything we have into the little years and when we begin to emerge from them, we hardly remember who we are anymore. We may eventually stumble into our callings and not even realize it until someone else calls it out.
As I watched the video segment, I heard her call out my results and inform me that I am wired for women’s ministry. HA! I thought to myself. I nearly laughed out loud at the thought! Me, who struggles to understand much of the way woman operate. Me, who talks too much, too deep, too soon. Me, who just does not fit into proper Christian women circles. It’s like trying to fit into a corset–and I can only hold it all in for so long before something pops a button and it hits another woman. And no one likes to be struck by an imperfect corset button in proper settings.
As I reflect this morning, I’m reminded of Sarah as she listened in on the Lord informing Abraham that they would have a son in a year’s time:
Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him.Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.” But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.” -Genesis 18:10b-15
Sarah was afraid when the Lord confronted her laughter, and I have to wonder if she was afraid in the moment she laughed as well. Afraid to dream, afraid to hope, afraid to trust the One for whom nothing is too hard. She looked at the past and current, and laughed. Perhaps Sarah didn’t initially laugh from fear, but I did.
Fear because I see all my shortcomings, insecurities, and I hear the words of others. I laughed at the prospect of being equipped because it requires action. I laughed and told the Lord, “Isn’t she funny, she got something awful wrong in that interpretation!”
And He simply asked me why I laughed.
I gave Him all the above reasons I’m surely NOT wired for women’s ministry–I said “But Lord, I don’t like the status quo of womanhood–I don’t understand it. How can I minister to that?”
And in that moment, He gently informed me that I dislike the status quo because there is more to Godly womanhood than what we’ve settled for. That these things I thought were my disqualifications are the very things He has equipped me with in order to minster. And that some of those wounds inflicted by friendly fire were used by Him to prepare my heart to minister for Him.
As I stepped back and looked at the personality description, my giftings of mercy and exhortation, and what makes me come alive, I had no other option but to admit she was right. That He was right. That women’s ministry makes me come alive like nothing else–that I have a passion for encouraging us to live authentically for His glory and it energizes me for the mundane duties of life. It doesn’t mean it is always easy and wonderful, but when I stand back and look at the big picture I have to recognize the reason I blog is because I love ministering to women. The reason I am on the leadership team in a MOPS group is because I love ministering to women.
What about you friend? Are you waking from the little years and feeling the tug of something more? Is the Lord awakening your heart to remember what He’s gifted you in? Seek Him and examine what passions He has placed in your heart. Begin exercising them in your sphere of influence–it doesn’t necessarily need to be something big and it doesn’t mean our families will have to take second place. The world needs you dear friend, and it desperately needs what God equipped you with.
And if someone happens to point out a unique gifting or calling in you and you find yourself laughing, dig down a little deeper before the Lord. Because we may find they were wrong, or we might just find fear under the surface.
The world needs you, and it desperately needs what God equipped you with.
You are more than just a momma friend, you are a woman–a daughter of the King of Kings with a unique passion, calling, and voice. He’s called you to something sister, and we all benefit when you accept that calling, gifting, and passion.
Be encouraged,
Carroe
{Post linked at Mom’s Morning Coffee, The Deliberate Mom}
This is probably one of the hardest things for me. I’m trying more to embrace everything I was gifted. This is just a wonderful reminder. Thanks for sharing 🙂